How to Survive the Holidays 2016
By: Donna Reina, The Healing Hiker
So often, the holidays bring up all kinds of fear, resentment, old hurts, and discomfort. It breaks my heart because the season is really all about relationships, joy, and connection.
What if you could try something new to help you get through the holidays with a little more GRACE and a little more JOY? Would you try it?
Please know that with any relationships, these things can take practice and so don’t be hard on yourself when trying this for the first time. Also become very aware if you find yourself saying things like “this happens TO ME all the time” or “I can’t believe they did that TO ME.” If we dwell on the “TO ME” too much, we become victims and then lose the ability to take charge of our own emotions, behaviors, and actions. Rather, try thinking that sometimes life is hard and it may be tough, but as long as we are still here, we can move THROUGH IT, and hopefully learn a thing or two, and help others later.
Prepare your HEART:
Try sitting still for a few minutes a couple of times a day and picture your mind, body, and soul being filled with pure love, peace, and sparkles. Each cell filling with vibrating light, cleansing away any darkness, breathing in love and releasing any darkness through your breath. Picture the darkness turning into beautiful purple, green light as it moves out of you. Ask that it be transformed into positive energy as it moves out into the world.
Prepare before a GATHERING:
Before any gathering, picture the room and all people coming to the event being filled with peace, lightness, love, and acceptance. Do the exercise above for anyone that fills you with unease, or with whom you may have resentment toward. Do this every single time that person pops into your mind (usually we start obsessing and creating conversations in our heads about what MIGHT be said and how we will respond THIS TIME). Ha! Doesn’t that sound familiar? Don’t worry, we all do it, let’s try something else instead this time. Many people may not have anyone praying for them or sending them unconditional love, with NO EXPECTATION, so why not it be YOU?
Working through RESENTMENTS:
There are many ways to work through resentments, but I have found that doing writing exercises works the best. ALWAYS ask spirit to show us the TRUTH in our writing before starting. Thank spirit for giving you an open mind, compassion, and the ability to clearly see your part.
Something like this:
“Thank you, spirit, for ALREADY showing me how to see this truthfully, allow compassion to flow through me, and help me see my part, whatever that might be, so that I can move forward and heal.”
- Write out the resentment and what you believe that person did to hurt you.
- Write out how you may have allowed that to affect you over time.
- What FEELINGS does it bring up when you think about this?
- How do those FEELINGS affect your ACTIONS or REACTIONS?
Think about how you respond to anger, do you take it out on someone else or yourself?
What about fear or feeling frightened? Do you puff yourself up, shut down, or become invisible?
What are your BEHAVIORS around resentments? This is really important to write out and get clear about.
This one is hard: What did you do BEFORE this happened that may have contributed to this happening? Were you trying to over control a situation, did you not pay attention enough? If it was business related, did you have systems in place to prevent this from happening?
- Think about the person that harmed you. Think about what that person’s childhood might have been like, what life experiences have they been through that may have affected their ability to have calm relationships, and what they may be doing to compensate for any feelings of lack they may have
What this does it helps us see around the issue and see the person as HUMAN. Someone who may not be capable of relationships or may not even realize they are reacting to their own hurts. What is important here is to find our way to compassion.
This does not mean that we continue to put ourselves in harms way, it just means that we can find compassion for them and release them to God or the universe. Sometimes forgiveness comes when we release people and sometimes we just have to allow God or Spirit to do the forgiving. All forgiveness is a form of GRACE. We all are worthy of grace!
Our job is simply to get clear on the situation so we can set boundaries, release with love, or find forgiveness so the relationship can move forward. Holding on to resentments can have serious effects on our bodies and lives (and those around us), so the sooner we work on these the better.
Some of these resentments are from childhood and we are still “blaming” our parents for our own lives or behaviors. I hate to break it to you, but if you are reading this, most likely you are an adult. Even if you aren’t quite yet an adult, you are still responsible FULLY for your own actions and reactions.
This is absolute FREEDOM! If we are fully accountable for our OWN actions and reactions and no one else’s, then we can do the work to become free. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Sometimes that’s a bit tough to take in, but after you do this for a while, it becomes second nature.
Here’s the kicker, once we do the writing and see how we behave and treat others when we are angry, hurt, sad, etc., then we have to see where we might need to make an amends. We have to own our part, wherever possible. We can also then work on changing our own reactions for the future. If there is a situation that is very serious and deep, it is always wise to seek professional help immediately.
Sometimes our part with childhood stuff is that we just keep holding on to it and allowing it to control our minds or actions. Write it out, see where you are allowing it to still control you, and release them and all of it to Spirit. It’s not up to us to judge anyone else. Who among us has not made mistakes? Rip up, burn, or send out to sea the paper with your resentments. Ask God / Spirit to transmute that energy into something healing and positive within you and all involved.
Allow the miracle to flow in its own time, with no expectation.
On a NEW PAPER, write out what it FEELS LIKE to be FREE of that baggage. Write out what emotional FREEDOM looks like in your actions, are you KIND, CALM, ACCEPTING, COMPASSION, EMPATHETIC? What does that FEEL like when you are BEING those things? Isn’t it pure freedom? Keep this paper so when you forget and start falling into old patterns, re-read this and do something kind for someone else.
Be sure to thank Spirit for your insights and change of heart as you move through this holiday season. Be thankful for seeing things with new eyes. We cannot change anyone else, but we sure can change our perspectives and ourselves!
The more we practice compassionate behaviors, the more we can have such a powerful impact on our own lives and those we are in relationship with each day. You may find that some relationships are just too harmful for you, and that’s ok to release with love, only AFTER you do the work and get clear on your part; and after you make amends for any part of it that may be necessary.
This holiday season, go out of your way to help others, be kind, start developing compassion, and allow your relationships to flourish to a whole new level.
If you would like to know more about my personalize coaching programs, please email me directly at email@example.com. I will be offering some New Year’s specials and will be a great way to get your 2017 off to great start!
Happy Holidays to you all!
Donna, The Healing Hiker ™
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